You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
