Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
