I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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