go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
