Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
