i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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