i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
