Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
