im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
