I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
