Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
