Where is the hickey?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
