So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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