He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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