I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
