Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
