only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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