I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
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