What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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