i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
