Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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