You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
