drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Is Oprah even human
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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