why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
