I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
