I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
