come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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