I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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