I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
