Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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