sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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