He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
