I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
