She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
