when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
