my being single is dangerous.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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