Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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