I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
