Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
