Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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