A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
