I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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