Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
