I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
