dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
