Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
