ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
