so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
