We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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