Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
