i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
