When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
