Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
