thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
