First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
