Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
