I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
