Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
