he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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