nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
