ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
