are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
