You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
