I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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