Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
