Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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