i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
